There’s no getting around it: Breakups are terrible, even if they’re handled with compassion. They can shake you to your very foundations, causing you to question your confidence AND your faith in love itself. If you’ve been broken up with, you’re grappling with the very real pain of rejection on top of mourning a lost love. When you’re the one who chose to end things, there’s often guilt swirled into your sadness. Even in the most amicable, mutual situations, a split is an ending—and in a culture that emphasizes “forever” as a relationship goal, we’re made to feel like an ending is a failure.
Allow yourself time to grieve.
No matter the circumstances of your split, your feelings are valid and processing them is a journey in itself.
You’re losing a big part of your life when you break up with someone. They are a friend, a lover, a confidante and maybe a housemate, They’ve probably been a daily feature in your life for some time, and you need to grieve that loss almost like you would a death.
Don’t stay friends–consider deleting your ex’s number.
Maybe the two of you said that you’d stay friends, as many people do. Keeping the connection helps things stay civil and makes the transition less abrupt, especially when you do it for practical reasons like if you work together, but it can be a tough task.
A post-breakup friendship may well happen in time, but “time” is the key word here. Very few exes make a seamless transition into friendship immediately (and if you think you’ve done it, see what happens when one of you starts dating someone new). Also staying friends with an ex is in fact linked to more depression, jealousy, heartbreak, and even a harder time finding a new romantic partner.
If the breakup was instigated by the other person, delete their number from your phone, so you aren’t inclined to contact them, dating expert Lester says. It’ll help you avoid the dreaded drunk-dial, and eliminate the impulse to send ill-advised texts.
Protect your heart with a social media purge.
Whether you’re scrolling through old photos of happier times or hitting refresh on your ex’s profile to analyze every update, Facebook and Instagram can be pure poison for the brokenhearted. Though it may be temporarily gratifying to satisfy your curiosity, regarding what they’re up to, and best not to look back.
Trying to decode if your ex is happy when he or she posted a picture from brunch is just going to make you feel bad about yourself,
No matter what an ego-wounded ex may tell you, it’s not unkind to un-follow them; feel free to block them in the name of mental health. You can also choose to “snooze” a Facebook friend for 30 days by clicking on the three dots in the right-hand corner of a status update, so they won’t appear in your feed for a month (you’ll still need the willpower to avoid checking their profile, though).
The same goes for their friends and family, if you think it’s just going to make you obsess over your ex’s every move, mute or remove them from your social media.
In fact, those who stalked their ex’s profile more ended up having a harder time dealing with the breakup. Reports included “nagging feelings of love, continued sexual desire, more distress and negative feelings, and less personal growth post-breakup,”
Don’t contact your ex unless absolutely necessary.
Distance is tough, but crucial. Moving logistics and figuring out shared dog-custody is one thing; calling or dropping by to get that one sweatshirt you “need” is another. DO NOT DROP BY.
It isn’t going to help your healing process, and the quicker you can adjust to life without your ex in it, the better it’s going to be for you
Don’t go back to them.
Let’s be real – rekindling a former flame can be tempting at times, even to the best of us. In feelings of weakness or a period of loneliness, one might find the idea of reconnecting with an ex more appealing than they should. Exes can be associated with a certain familiarity and convenience, which is why many people revert to going back to them. More specifically, “those who need more reassurance and love in their relationships due to insecure attachment are more interested in getting back together with an ex”.
Instead of indulging though, take charge of your healing journey and avoid prolonging it by calling up an old flame. Chances are, you’ll re-encounter the issues that drove you apart in the first place or erase all of your efforts to move on, especially if not enough time has passed. It’s best to focus on yourself and redirect that energy to better things…or potential new hobbies.
